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Head over Heart?

Submitted by Vienna Pharaon on

How do you choose? That's a question with which we're all confronted. Its level of intensity might range from whether to wait on line at Starbucks or remain in a relationship with someone, but we're challenged by choice on a daily basis.

Choice is hugely important when in a relationship. Initially, we choose a partner, and then gradually we choose how to communicate with them, how to treat them, and so on.

It seems as if choice is often times driven by emotions or feelings. How strongly you feel about a person may determine how you communicate with them, how often, and how you show your love. But sometimes when we allow emotion to be in the driver seat, our choices and our spouses are left empty.

Do you have to feel to make a choice? Choice often times comes down to logic vs. emotion. You've heard people say do you follow your head or you heart, a debate that has been around and unsettled for quite some time. But which is it?

When something is right, emotion will follow. It is important to feel, but when you count on or expect to feel a certain way and you don't, is your choice made based solely on that?

Can logic and your head come first? Can you choose to commit to a person, or re-commit when the emotion and heart aren't in place?

The answer is yes. Relationships and life are all about commitment and choice. Our feelings and emotions ebb and flow, and will continue to do so until our last days. Commitment and choice do not have to waiver.

You're allowed to feel differently, you're allowed to have your lows, but your commitment and choice should be stable. Keep to your plan.

Serving Others

Submitted by Vienna Pharaon on

When is the last time you asked yourself "what can I do for others?" We live in a society that can be very ‘me' focused and driven, so the answer to that question might not come to you as quickly as you would like. It seems we're always looking to get ahead, only wanting people in our lives that will benefit us in some way. Maybe you're more used to asking yourself "what can others do for me?"

Do you take this approach with your partner? Are you focused on what he or she is not doing for you? Do you point out how they never make you happy? Always let you down? Do you keep from doing things that they want or like because they don't do them for you? Do you have a tit for tat approach?

If any of these ring true, then you're not effectively serving your partner, and it's time for you to take ownership and stop waiting around for your partner to step up to the plate first.

I once heard an incredible story about a man who was walking through a hallway when he came to a set of doors. He opened them and saw a huge banquet table that went on and on and on. The table was filled with the most amazing food and drink the man had ever seen. People were wrapped around the table, but he soon noticed that people were screaming, crying, and angry. He saw that their arms were locked at the elbow and that they were unable to feed themselves and pour drink in their mouths. A bit rattled, he turned around and walked out the door. Continuing down the hallway, the man opened the next set of doors and saw the same set up. The huge banquet table was filled with incredible food and drink. People were wrapped around the table with their arms locked at the elbow, but the mood was very different. In this room, the people were joyous, happy, and singing. The man noticed that although they could not feed themselves and pour drink in their own mouths, their arms were stretched out across the table as they fed each other.

This beautiful story shows that when you're able to serve others, you yourself get served. If you're always looking to point the finger at your partner and point out their short-comings, you'll be left feeling completely empty. You can't control others, you can only work on yourself. Be the one who initiates the change. Wake up and ask yourself what you can do for your partner today. Serve others, and the rewards will be endless.